Blenheim Park Cricket Club

On the eve of our final game at the back end of the season when preparations should have been in full swing, the pitch prep possie turned out to only to find the Palace closed due to an embarrassing toilet incident. Yes, a fully functioning solid gold toilet had been stolen and thus a flood of juvenile toilet hilarity got underway. Frankly as we are Blenheim Park Cricket Club one might expect the members to rise above such puerile humour. But we are what we are …

So we batted first in our inaugural home fixture with guys from Stoner who had hosted us in the previous two years. We opened with the two Phil’s – that’s Pee. Boardman and Pee. Spearman. The first ball of the match hooped past Boardman’s edge down to Fine Leg for 4 byes. ‘U-bend it like Beckham’ exclaimed the in-form Phil before despatching a glorious cover drive for 4 more on his way to 29. Spearman, unusually cast as a No.2, didn’t fair quite so well and left no deposit in the runs column.

Parker (32), as one would expect, drove nicely and steadied the ship with Blenheim reaching 52 in the 15th over before further mishap. Elsewhere, whilst West again had issues hitting the ball-Cox loitered like a lingering smell, whereas the late arriving Keyes hit out and got out. Meanwhile, Weedon again top scored down the order with a much needed 34*.

Generally batting was tough going and ultimately we couldn’t squeeze out any more than 166-8 off our 40 overs.

So, into the field we went (so to speak), and although the lid was kept on the run rate the visitors also refused to get bogged down. At the half way stage they had progressed to almost half the score but ominously with only the one wicket down.

During the course of the innings, with all the police in the area it was remarkable how so much criminally loo’s bowling passed by almost unnoticed. However, thoughts that they’d somehow gotten away with were a little wide of the mark with only Walker (as always, bowling into the wind; 8-3-22-1), and Spearman’s P (8-1-29-3) & J (5-1-15-0 – having regularly found the edge) up to having their figures reproduced here.

As Stonor closed in on victory thoughts of our win counter incrementing went down the pan although at one stage at the fall of a rare wicket, all the talk was about the Timed Out rule as the incoming batsman appeared to take longer than the normally accepted couple of minutes after the previous gent had vacated the vicinity.

Our final highlight of the game was when West flushed out another wicket with Wee’dOn excellently judging a catch on the boundary off the skippers moon ball.

So as the lid went down on another season and we retired to the Woody Arms, we were left to reflect on the crime that preceded the game. As a club we should probably wash our hands of it but the police apparently have nothing to go on so who could have carried out such a big job?

Although a 66 year old man had been arrested conspiracy theories abounded. Blenheim’s own ‘WC’ mysteriously cried off and was otherwise Engaged the afternoon before the game with father Martin allegedly unaware of his whereabouts. Was JVF’s curiously quiet game a secret admission of guilt? And where was ‘property maintenance guru’ Stan (mid-60’s) Angol when it was all kicking off. Apparently abroad with a water-tight alibi – but has anyone actually heard from him? The clever money is on Stanley Angol in the closet with a sledgehammer. I’ll have a pony on that!

Rhino

Our latest excursion saw us in the scenic Windrush Valley as we paid a visit to Swinbrook’s picture postcard pitch beside the pub and river.

We batted first and got off to a flyer with Boardman and Keyes taking us to 56 before the latter was caught for 40. Maximums (but not much else) were recorded by Weedon and Cox and fleeting cameos came and went by West & Kerr. This allowed Spearman Jnr and Shaw the time in the middle to admire the scenery as if on some Sunday afternoon picnic in the park, ambling the odd single here & there when the mood permitted. Blenheim ended up on 174-6 off their allotted 35 overs – Boardman the pick of the batters with a fluent 72, presumably now free of any injured-spectator-anxiety-syndrome.

So Swinbrook required precisely 5 an over to win but with Spearman (Snr) and Walker opening and bowling their usual wicket to wicket, straight as an arrow line and length, the opposition found the going tough. By the time these two veterans had finished Swinbrook were reduced to 34-5 off 14. With Vaughan-Fowler and Spearman Jnr also joining the party this soon became 44-7 and with only 15 overs remaining the contest was all but over. A late flourish saw the hosts into 3 figures but not before young Spearman had doubled his return and Cox had added to his impressive September bowling bounty in addition to two catches and a jib. Fittingly Keyes had the final word when running out the runner. Or was it the injured striker. Or non-striker. Either way 10 were down and Blenheim had triumphed once more.

A convincing team performance in which everyone contributed. Well done the lads.

Rhino

In the absence of ‘David Hughes (Club Secretary) and author of humorous match reports’ (as quoted from page 46 of David Levison’s Book ‘Remarkable Cricket Grounds’), it lies to me to fill you in with the basic match facts & stats. So if its humour you are looking for, look away now.

As we rocked up in the Cotswolds with a strong side to see 3 (very) youngsters in whites and others seemingly passed their best before date, thoughts of a humiliating one sided affair took shape. This was further emphasised after hearing stories of the oppo staying up all night in the clubhouse to celebrate their league side’s promotion and somehow swallowing keys along the way. With an early wicket falling to Bethel, we all wondered why we had bothered with concern over whether they would score enough to allow many of us to wield a bat.

We needn’t have worried.

Six followed four followed six as a century stand ran us ragged and only came to an end after 25 overs of hard leather chasing and long grass rummaging. Last week’s heros Walker and Weedon along with JVF collectively took one for the team during this passage of play during which we also witnessed a scene that might have been played out on the South Lawn itself. An overseas tourist-cum-spectator situated behind the bowlers arm and paying scant attention to the game, took, on the chest, the full force of a(nother) powerful lofted drive. It was the closest we had got to catching him out all afternoon. We all wish Sarah a speedy recovery and thank our lucky stars the turn of events didn’t turn out worse. Bruised ribs aside we can (hopefully) laugh about it now but at the time …

After yet another maximum off the Rhino which saw the retirement of the (by now) centurion it was left to Rhino & Cox (Snr) to clear up the mess and remarkably Cox took a 3-fer (‘three-for …’) – cleverly changing pace & flight to out-wit the pre-teenage batters at the other end. Rhino would have joined or even trumped him on a 3-fer had it not been for Jibber Bethel shelling two sitters at mid-off. For any Sheepscombe players reading this – it wasn’t a thinly veiled scheme to avoid the centurion coming back in – he just really is that rubbish at catching.

We can laugh about it now but at the time …

Catches were taken by both Spearmans, and JVF with an Angol run out ensuring the total remained below 200, but by posting 184 off 35 the hosts had given us every opportunity to show off our own batting skills.

However, we also suffered an early wicket – with Bethel turned victim rather than victor. At 20-2 with Boardman also in the shed we were rapidly becoming second favourites but Burgess and Wes Spearman repaired the damage with their own array of boundaries until Burgess (39) expertly picked out the boundary fielder who was possibly the only one who would have caught it. West similarly found the lone boundary fielder whilst Cox & Vaughan-Fowler both appeared to be auditioning for the new series of Strictly – JVF performing a lovely pirouette in front of his stumps while Cox (23) unusually left his crease before executing his best Bambi-on-Ice impression and being stumped.

So, 127 -6 with 15 overs remaining it was still anyone’s game. Wes was still there and he shepherded the tail – apart from Walker whom he ran out – but a 32 run partnership from Wes ‘n’ Weedon got us tantalisingly close.

With 20 still required Angol joined Spearman with only Spearman-the-elder and 7 overs still to come. We needn’t have worried as Wes picked out a fielder who couldn’t catch to bring up his 50 and Stan larruped one square for four and we were home and dry with fully four overs to spare.

A cracking game, in a cracking location, in cracking weather. But, we hope, no cracked ribs.

Rhino

In a weekend of unprecedented comebacks and with an enforced break from the South Lawn we all headed East (without our usual captain, West) to take on everything Isis could launch at us. We lost the toss and remarkably on such a hot, bright, sunny Bank Holiday afternoon, we were inserted. Did the oppo have some intelligence we we’re not privy to? Maybe.

At 89-9 after 30 it seemed they did as the game was all but over. The battle was clearly lost as we had ceded too much territory to our opponents already.

But wait! The fat lady hadn’t been informed as Nigel Walker joined Tom (11th hour replacement) Weedon. In scenes reminiscent of Headingley the previous day (& 1981), Weedon played the Stokes / Botham role whilst Walker was more Graham Dilley than Jack Leach. Weedon farmed the strike as much as possible, hit his maiden 6 (six) and a hatful of fours whilst Walker, when permitted, grabbed his own share of the spoils with several boundaries of his own whilst also executing diligent defence. Whatever previous success our opponents had had, this ancient relic was not for being toppled in a hurry.

Isis were therefore unable to maintain their stranglehold and before we had time for yet another drinks break to catch our breath, these two bowlers had advanced our cause to 148 before Weedon (45) succumbed in the final over leaving Walker undefeated on 14. 59 they had put on in a little under 10 overs and the tables had turned with Isis appearing more intent on infighting rather than dispatching their common enemy from the West.

Prior to this onslaught little resistance was offered as we had been like lambs to the slaughter. Even Cox (Snr) was having trouble timing his shots on a surface unfamiliar to Blenheim-ites – it being rock hard and offering little assistance to the bowlers other than the occasional extra bounce. Nevertheless Cox managed 40 with only scant cameo roles from two Spearmen for support before we found ourselves staring down the barrel. It had been tortuous progress, but more incompetence on our part rather than being terrorised by the opposition bowling.

New skipper Boardman displayed captaincy skills hitherto unseen from a Blenheim chief, setting out his new ideology during an inspired tea time team talk. Whilst celebrating our two new heroes he reminded them that it all meant nothing if we lose and offered them both first dibs at trying to defend our position. And defend it they did.

After 16 overs Isis had retreated to 32-2 with Walker & Weedon (2-14) holding a steady line. Reinforcements came in the shape of two Spearmen who launched 12 overs with a combined return of 3-34 leaving our hosts reeling on 52-5.

Gokani (1-19), Vaughan-Fowler and a returning Spearman (J) (2-20) completed the innings at a time when the batsmen were looking to get after them. But they too stood firm and the victory was complete.

The early skirmishes were indeed lost but the game was won and Isis defeated. They should have known that our very existence was borne out of battle and that we don’t roll over easily (sometimes).

Excellent catches were executed by Kerr, Spearman (J) & Weedon (who therefore cemented his all-rounder credentials). A plethora of easy, difficult and half chances along with near misses and outright jibs came & went but the 2019 Battle of Blenheim vs Isis was won by the boys from the South Lawn.

BPCC 148 ao (39.2 overs)
Isis 125-6 (40 overs)

Rhino

Firstly another big thank you to Andrew and his team for a fantastic prelude to the game which was very much appreciated by all who attended.

Regarding the game itself; a whole new format was invented with the 32 over thrash being contrived by the captains prior to the toss (they’ll all be playing it next year).

And a thrash it was.

Whether brim full with beef or laden with sumptuous strawberries or just sozzled with champers, only two Blenheim batters managed to scrape into double figures in a rather forlorn looking scorecard. But wait what’s that at the top? Keyes 103 retired (out). Yes the vociferous one had managed to bypass double figures completely and in doing so carry the team to a more than reasonable 185 all out. Either he must have been right at the back of the queue and missed out on the earlier food & drink or perhaps right at the front and therefore had ample time to digest /sober up. Either way he was in no mood to hang about in the middle. Four followed six followed four as wickets tumbled at the other end with persistent regularity.

Clearly not used to such a format the Blenheim innings came to an end within 31 overs.

A quick refuel later (courtesy of returning tea man Mike) and we were back in the field. Again wickets fell regularly with all 8 bowlers taking wickets (except for Rhino) with top figures recorded by Weedon of 3-9 off 4.

Catches were taken by a gloveless Kerr (Snr) and Spearman (Jnr) as Sydenham subsided to 121 all out in the final over.

Rhino

South Wales Hunts galloped onto the South Lawn for our latest cricketing encounter.

Bowling first, Walker (9-0-23-1), & Weedon (8-2-22-3) ripped the heart out of the top order to sabotage the Hunts innings. With captain Gokani seemingly forgetting that one of his responsibilities was to rotate the bowlers, both JVF (11-0-43-2) & Rhino (13-5-23-1) ‘enjoyed’ extended spells that ensured the Hunts’ innings completely stag-nated, much to everyone’s joy. 34-4 after 11 became 96-8 after 39. It really was that exciting. Two catches a-piece were taken by Weedon & Kerr along with another by JVF* but a final flourish saw the visitors end on 143-8 after which we all enjoyed tea compiled by the family Keyes.

In fading light and on a clearly slow & difficult wicket we opened with new boys Kelly (who remained not out) and McCall (who got close to F-all). Keyes also perished but managed to top score with 6.

With darkness descending however and rain ultimately falling along with thunder claps and lightening (very, very frightening evidently) the scent of victory had clearly diminished and the game was declared a draw at 6pm with Blenheim on 17-2. The Hunts prey were therefore free to escape into the shadows of the Woodstock Arms safe to enjoy a pint, whitebait and chips unhindered by the sound of the bugle and the sight of jodhpurs. Boyo.

* Or not depending on your viewpoint (and the scorebook).

Rhino

BPCC won … the toss and choose to bat and immediately had second thoughts when Lee was caught to a stunning catch in the second over! However this set the tone for fielding in both innings. After Phil B’s early departure BPCC slowly rebuilt the innings with Simon Parker (58ish) and Martin Cox (46) to take the score to 146 for 6 from the allocated 40. In reply the Cricketers were soon in trouble with some fine bowling from Tom W and Nigel … and finer catching – most notably a driving one-handed grab by Simon P fielding at short mid-on. First change Phil S promptly hypnotized the batsmen with his soporific bowling and claimed 3-12. However, with the introduction of the ‘spinners’, the scoreboard started ticking … and Cricketers comeback. However, they had been pinned down for too long and with an asking rate approaching 10/over from the last 3, their last batsman found the juggling man-mountain Martin C patrolling the long-on boundary. Great ‘knuckle-ball from last-minute addition Josh … the man-of-the match goes to Tom for his on and off-the field performance i.e. 2pm mercy run to Oxford to get Josh!

Raj

After the fall of stand-in skipper in the first over Joe Burgess carried on his fine form with a score of 62 forming the foundation of a very healthy 150ish. SA lost wickets at regular intervals (shared amongst BPCC bowlers) and SA never really threatened.

(This poor excuse for a match report was brought to you by Raj Gokani -Ed.)

Joey Burgess scored a gazillion (actually 148*, Ed), and would have won the game on his own had BPCC not used eleven ‘bowlers’ in reply. Boardman and Cox got a few; neither Spearman got any. Rob Kerr let some byes through, but not all of them, Comfortable win.

They declared on 199-8 after 48 overs at tea (Stan 2W, Lee 2W, Malcolm 3W and a fantastic spell of bowling by Tom and Josh with just one wicket each). Their opener hadn’t played for 5 years smashed it everywhere got 80ish. Lee and Malcolm got to about 70 before Malcolm got out (28 caught at Mid off) in about 12th over. Same guy opened the bowling and was equally good we just scored off the bowlers at the other end. Wickets then fell steadily and when their 14 year old caught Lee on the very edge of the deep square leg boundary (like Boult should have caught Stokes) for 60ish it was all over. Last pair of Tom and Nigel batted out the last 5 overs of our 38 for a draw.

Malcolm